This question is inspired by my father. He is a retired Westerner living in Southeast Asia who is dating two sisters; they are obviously with him for the money, and he outright admits it. Personally, I could never find fulfillment in that kind of arrangement, but I’m curious about how others feel.
A romantic relationship? No.
A sexual relationship? No.
A friendship? No.
An employment relationship? Yes.
Idk I hope to be able to just stop thinking about it at some point
It’s whatever as long as the women aren’t too young. Like I’ve seen sleazy stuff in SEA and old dudes dating 18-early 20s year olds is fucked up. I don’t care if it’s legal and consented to. Their brains aren’t even fully developed at that age.
The premise of your question is flawed.
One does not enter into a transactional relationship of the nature that your father is in for fulfillment. He isn’t in that relationship to have mutual respect and personal growth with life partners.
Your father is in that relationship because he wants to crush a lot of ass with two women who look great naked.
no it’s not.
for some folks that is all they want from a relationship, and that is fulfillment. all the other ‘stuff’ is extra, and undesirable. the other factor is also the stability of such a relationship with clearly defined roles and expectations.
the notion of ‘self fulfillment’ or ‘true love’ is ultra-modern, and a lot of psychologists argue it’s unrealistic to expect so much from another person. historically, relationships were very transactional and practical and erotic desire was seen as distinct realm from marriages and long term relationships.
I live in the USA and I’ve been dating for two decades. There is a huge uptick lately in folks seeking transactional relationships because they feel like other types of relationships are too complex and fraught to ever be happy in them. That includes women. Exchanging money for sex and security is far more simple, and for a lot of folks the concept of emotional fulfillment doesn’t exist, it’s quite bizarre nostly for western rich people with too much money and free time.
Very good point!
there’s some distance between just having a (transactional) relationship and a true-love relationship where “I like you for who you are and the comfort of being around you, and you feel the same” fits in, though
Love is great. Fuck buddies are great. Letting a stranger fingerbang you is great.
Know what you’re getting into and enjoy it for what it is.
No, I thrive on companionship
He’s retired, meaning older.
He’s had other relationships, and doesn’t want/need that anymore.
I’ve talked to a LOT of older folks (big family, think 50-80) and it’s common for them to say “I can’t imagine getting married again”. Not that marriage was a mistake, just they lack effort and energy required for that kind of commitment anymore.
For me its more like meeting someone who likes almost all the exact same music/movies/games I do, with few exceptions, and who gets all my meme jokes and likes to do the same fun activities too. And their family isnt full of pshychopaths .
It’d be likely impossible for me to find another person like that.
Personally I would rather be alone than be on either end of such a relationship, but as long as everyone involved consents and understands their role in it, I don’t have moral objections to the concept of it either.
I could not. And I know this because I was in one.
It was great at first…get what you want whenever you want, just gotta make sure sugar baby is happy. But what happened with me was I began to crave a more interpersonal connection. I wanted a companion, not just a well-compensated fuckbuddy. And she wasn’t into that idea.
I feel like your question carries an assumption that a relationship should, or even can, fulfill you. If you are relying on that relationship or partner for your sense of fulfillment, what happens when the relationship ends, or the person leaves?
I can’t tell you how to live your life, but from my perspective this sort of thinking is counterproductive to having a good relationship. You will always be dependent on your partner for your sense of fulfillment. And so, if they start doing things that would otherwise be dealbreakers for you, you may very well stick around in order to maintain that sense of fulfillment - which is the framework for an abusive relationship. Or else is the setup for codependency, where both of you are miserable in the relationship, but neither are willing to break things off.
I don’t think the transactional nature of your father’s relationship is problematic. Maybe he really would want a less transactional relationship, but feels this is the best he can get. Or maybe he is completely happy with himself as he is, and his relationships are the icing on top of an already excellent life. And while his relationships may be transactional, there is nothing really stopping them from moving into more emotional realms, nor anything stopping him (presumably) from pursuing other more emotional relationships with other people.
It’s one thing to ponder this sort of relationship now, when I am able to pull women (don’t let my wife read this hah) and still functional and attractive. It’s like cocaine, I’m not doing it now, but when I’m 80, I might be snorting the hell out of it - consider this feeling applicable to cheap companionship, if I’m still kicking at that age and my wife has passed, I will be buried cheap perfume and soulless holes.
Well I guess it could still be better than nothing so it depends what you compare it to. It’s obviously not ideal situation but neither is being alone.
I don’t know if it would work for me because I can’t quite think of what other the “transaction” could be than money. I have plenty money but that’s because I’m extremely frugal and no gold digger is going to change that.
the benefit of the relationship is that you always know where you stand. it’s very simple, very clear. There is none of that deeper messier stuff.
No.
That’s all I have been offered for the past 10 years. I have tried. It’s dehumanizing and draining. I’d rather be alone than be in a relationship where I know that as soon as I am sick or ill I will be dumped. It’s also great being alone because I can pursue my interest and express my views without them being seen as hostile to a relationship that is seeking me to be have no independence of action or thought.
I find that people who like those types of relationships are very motivated by vanity. The primary purpose of the relationship is the image it projects to the world about them, so it makes a lot of sense.
Feels alien to me, but I am in a position where I was seduced in high school, so pure love XD
For the sisters, I imagine that money is money, and maybe better than some other conditions. For your father, weird, but I guess ptariarcat will do this so a man…
