My desire to understand what happened during my upbringing in a heavily religious envrionment.

It engaged me for a desire to understand, not just science, but people, anything was an escape from this dogma.

I’m really enjoying the science side.

But I realise I have major untreated Trauma and I’m scared of dealing with it. It’s my “Elephant in the room”.

But I thrive off it, it’s like an energy core within me, like this ANTICORE.

Found computers very interesting. Broke them. Watched how to fix them. Broke them again. Fixed them myself. Rinse and repeat.

Great introspective question causing me to reflect, but an answer I’ll respectfully reserve for myself.

Disliking big tech and corporate social media isn’t a personality… that’s not you. That’s just shit you don’t like. There are tons of people that are nothing like you that dislike the same shit.

16 years of child abuse 🤪

Loving parents and growing up in a small town, a 10 year failed marriage that resulted in 3 kids I love to the moon of which 2 of them are on the spectrum. Many failed relationships.

I’m proud of the man I’ve become at 49 years old.

Probably undiagnosed mental illness. I spent 30+ years as a round peg trying to fit in a square hole, until I realized one day that the way I like to be is fine and I should enjoy an existence that fits me.

A healthy combination of stubborn tenacity and pathetic laziness really.

Education, martial arts training, books, and video games.

I jerk off and smoke weed way to much

it’s hard to tell whether it’s autism or severe childhood social neglect. I think it’s both.

My dad sketched while I was a kid and I liked how it looked so I tried to copy it. Ever since then, I’ve been drawing and I love it

Trauma 🙂

A lifetime of neglect surrounded by people who told me they were only neglecting me because that was the kind of love that I needed.

It’s two-sided.

On one hand, I was raised by a forest ranger to hunt and fish and camp, spent my childhood in the boy scouts learning all that stuff, and brought up in strict, yet community-oriented religion.

On the other hand, I spent every other waking moment on the computer. I was essentially raised by the web circa 1995-2004. I was exposed to so many different viewpoints then. The web wasn’t nearly as insular then as it is now. You’d have forums where everyone spoke to each other. I learned to question my religion and eventually found my way out. I rejected all the right-leaning beliefs I was raised to have.

And yet, I wouldn’t trade that first part of my childhood, because it was genuinely a nice childhood. I saw what real community can be, something that I now lack. I picked up a thing or two about how to be a moral and capable person along the way. And gained lifelong friendships.