I was raised to address strangers and those I wish to show social deference to as “Sir” or “Ma’am”. It’s a difficult habit to break, as it is deeply engrained.

What is an equivalent gender neutral honorific that is relatively common in English? If I can’t break the habit I’d rather have a substitute word to use instead of an awkward pause in the middle of addressing someone

I’d just use Google to ask but I’d rather ask the people directly rather than an AI generated answer based off of Reddit threads

ETA: I suppose if Yessir and Yes’m work, Yesn’t could too? Mostly joking… but maybe… 🤔

  • innermachine@lemmy.world
    3·
    7 days ago

    I think boss works decent as a neutral way to respectfully address some body in a position of authority, I have refered to many a manager and or client as “boss” when I dont know know their name

  • Caveman@lemmy.world
    2·
    7 days ago

    Avoid honorifics with “there” (e.g. hello, sir - > hello there) or drop. Otherwise use boss, friend, chief or captain depending on vibes.

  • CerebralHawks@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    697·
    9 days ago

    FWIW, Sir is gender neutral in the military — this came up in Star Trek Voyager, anyway. Basically if your senior officer isn’t male, they’re sir until they tell you otherwise.

    • HikingVet@lemmy.ca
      34·
      9 days ago

      Sir is gender neutral in fictional militaries. Every woman holding a commission I ever encountered was ma’am. Didn’t matter the country.

        • Dasus@lemmy.world
          51·
          8 days ago

          But the way you’ve formatted your first comment is “this thing is a military thing, as can be seen from this fictional military” which doesn’t necessarily imply said thing is fictional even though the military you’ve used as an example is.

    • theherk@lemmy.world
      131·
      9 days ago

      Not sure what military you served in, but the one I served in definitely didn’t call women sir until instructed otherwise. However, “mister” may be correct for all warrant officers.

      • cobysev@lemmy.worldEnglish
        18·
        9 days ago

        I served in the US Air Force. Everyone was “Sir” or “Ma’am” and it was very gender-specific. Even for the few years we allowed transgender folks to serve (before Trump banned them), you referred to them by their preferred transition title.

        We don’t have warrant officers in the Air Force, so I can’t speak to their title of address.

        • theherk@lemmy.world
          4·
          9 days ago

          Same, USAF but decades ago. It was actually the USAF protocol office I called to verify the “mister” address for WO. Not because we had them, but because they still have protocol for how to address them, generally army chopper pilots if I recall.

          eta: I should also clarify that I don’t know that to be true. It could easily be one of those ID-10t situations where somebody tricked us into calling protocol and they went along with it. Could be complete bullshit.

          • cobysev@lemmy.worldEnglish
            6·
            9 days ago

            When I served (2002-2022), we were always told that warrant officers are technically officers, so treat them the same as any officer. So we would’ve addressed them as Sir or Ma’am if we came across them. As well as saluting them if we met them outside.

            I don’t recall ever addressing anyone as “Mister” in the service. Heck, I retired a few years ago and now I feel weird when people call me Mr. [Last Name]. I got so used to being called by my rank and last name for 2 decades. Mister just sounds wrong.

      • CerebralHawks@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
        3·
        8 days ago

        Um, Starfleet… as mentioned (Star Trek Voyager… Star Trek’s Starfleet is inspired by the Navy).

        I never served… Mostly due to health reasons

        • theherk@lemmy.world
          3·
          8 days ago

          Oh I misunderstood you. I thought you were using the Star Trek reference as just a supporting claim that militaries follow this practice. But I see now you meant only in that context.

          • CerebralHawks@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
            2·
            8 days ago

            Yeah, I meant that Star Trek did it, and Star Trek is (supposed to be) based on the Navy, so as one who’s never served, I really only have Star Trek Voyager (which had a female captain) to go by.

            With female bosses, I’ve always asked them if they want to be called sir or ma’am. It sounds like a good way to catch hands, but if you ask out of respect and good faith, chances are you’ll be answered in kind.

    • givesomefucks@lemmy.worldEnglish
      101·
      9 days ago

      Not really…

      Like, yeah, probably in Star Trek, but that would have been a projected evolution of modern society, not a reflection of current reality.

      Everyone would assume “sir” and if it’s over an email no one is getting worked up about it.

      But call a female officer “sir” to her face and I don’t think it will go well

    • foliumcreations@lemmy.world
      19·
      8 days ago

      I’ve seen enough posts related to etymology or historical use of words where they, either misrepresent the facts to fit a narrative or just make shit up, that I try to look it up my self. I also find etymology fascinating so that helps.

      In this case they are absolutely right.

      Both Mr and. Mrs,ms are derived from master and mistress (teachers) and both of those words stem from the Latin word Magister.

      Edit: fun fact the English verb stick is the same word as the noun stick and comes from the same origin the Germanic word stik which also meant a piece of wood and to pierce/adhere or sharp. But wait it’s older than that the Latin word stigare also means pierce. And share the same ancestry, namely indo-european. Turns out we humans have been talking about sticks for a long time.

    • qarbone@lemmy.worldEnglish
      111·
      8 days ago

      …why not just “magister” and avoid a word that already has very strong, current connotations with fantasy?

      • Mesa@programming.dev
        3·
        8 days ago

        Let’s hit “magister” and then work our way down. I swear to god I’d change the shit out of my pronouns to fit mage.

        The issue, I guess, is that Mr./Ms. have had centuries to be normalized into common use, whereas “magister” still holds a bit of prestige or honor to it. I’m just spitballin’. I’m definitely going to read more into this when I have some time.

        • fibojoly@sh.itjust.works
          2·
          8 days ago

          Although it was also my first choice, magister is masculine. Latin is a gendered language (with more than just m/f) and AFAIK magister isn’t neutral.

          • Axolotl@feddit.it
            1·
            7 days ago

            Magister does not change with gender tho, and generally it should not be a problem since we can just not consider the word gendered, the problem with gendered words is mostly given by social constructs, the word does not have any since it’s long dead

      • agent_nycto@lemmy.world
        6·
        8 days ago

        You can just do that ya know. Just be a wizard. Tell people to address you as such. Don’t even have to be trans you can change your name and everything

    • SirSamuel@lemmy.worldOP
      7·
      8 days ago

      I am legit going to use Magister as a replacement option for Mr/Mrs. It’s formal, archaic, and gender neutral. That’s the trifecta right there

  • CptHacke@piefed.socialEnglish
    46·
    9 days ago

    Having worked in the retail sector for some time, I quickly learned that appearances are often deceiving after a few embarrassing blunders on my part. I taught myself to call everyone ‘my friend’. I had no more problems after that.

    • meejle@piefed.worldEnglish
      29·
      9 days ago

      Also if you have to hand someone off to another colleague, I find you can just use “we”, and it still feels polite. At least compared to calling them “the customer” (clumsy) or “they” (weird, when they’re right next to you). 😃

      “So, we’re looking for [product], and we need it to be [thing]. Oh, and we have a budget of £25.”

  • TheAsianDonKnots@lemmy.zip
    352·
    9 days ago

    I was raised in southern hospitality, so I know exactly what you’re going through.

    I just stopped using pronouns altogether.

    “Excuse me” “Thank you” “I appreciate you” “Do you know the way to San Jose”

    Turns out 99% of interactions don’t depend on what genitals a person’s rocking. I guess if you’re asked to identify a suspect in a crime it might help? Point being, stop focusing on their crotch and what they’re doing with it 😁 you’ve been trained to be weird about it.

  • TwiddleTwaddle@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    19·
    9 days ago

    Some of my friends use “yes them” jokingly to replace yes sir/yes ma’am. Certainly not correct in any grammatical way, but it does flow well enough and is kindof funny as long as the person being addressed doesnt mind.