For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I’ve never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It’s sentimental.
I don’t like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It’s perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don’t like new things.
We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?
We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I’m not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don’t like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?
Receiving an apology when it’s not real is the shortest way to make me distrust everything else you are going to say in an situation like this.
If you don’t actually feel sorry don’t fucking say that shit. That’s just setting yourself up for resentment and distrust.
This is exactly how old arguments get brought up again and again.
With something like “I always KNEW you weren’t actually sorry about the time XYZ…”
You can be honest without actively and willfully deciding to lie about the situation. It’s just not the easy thing to do. But it’s the right thing to do
i think you replied to the wrong comment?
I responded to your comment correctly. You said to apologize even if they didn’t blow their lid as an olive branch.
What exactly is the apology worth if you don’t actually believe you did anything wrong? That’s manipulative. You are giving a false impression of contrition.
And people pick up on disingenuous behavior often enough that you shouldn’t do it.
I’m not the best at explaining myself, especially in text only, so I’m sorry if I’m not being clear, I don’t know how else to explain the dishonesty it makes me feel thinking about that it.
It’s like a corporation making a public apology. If you don’t actually feel bad then it’s an empty gesture with only an ulterior motives behind it. That rubs me entirely the wrong way.
In not claiming to be the world’s best communicator or even a member of that League, but it’s clear as day to me how much of a problem lieing is because people refuse to see it as a problem