It came with the distro

My life is intresging AS fuck (im writing my auto biography)

I started last year, for several reasons. Most of which werr related to my wife and I creating a polycule with another couple a year earlier. After 1 year in I did some evaluation and realized I needed to make some changes, and journaling was an answer for a lot of those.

1. Memory. I’m almost certainly on the autistic spectrum, and for most of my life I’ve had a remarkably good memory. Not “photographic”, and I known better than to trust any human memory too much, but in general I was pretty good at remembering details. I am also very introverted. I like to spend time alone, reflecting on the last couple of days and solidifying my memories in meditation.

Being in a polycule means that I both have much less time for that meditation and much more stuff to remember. I also was a mild THC user before, mostly for my knee pain or jjsy because getting high on occasion is fun. But ibstatted leaning on it more heavily to deal with the stress of constant socialization.

So when I found myself in conversations remembering that I had been told things, but unable to remember what they were. Like my girlfriend’s home town or my boyfriend’s favorite Zelda game. Not stuff they even necessarily expected me to remember, but stuff I felt bad for forgetting.

2. Validation and evaluation. One of the establishing philosophies of the polycule we talked about up-front was that we woukd still prioritize our respective marriages. We were all established adults and homeowners with no children- this wasn’t a full joining-of-households or roomates situation. Last summer I started to feel like my wife wasn’t spending much time with me though. I started journaling and after a few months found that, sure enough, we had pretty much stopped doing all of the things the two of us used to do together (playing videogames, watching TV and movies ,etc). It is not at all that I minded her spending time with the other people, but when she WAS home with me she woukd just lay on the couch reading, sleeping, scrolling Instagram, or playing Stardew Valley.

My wife also has a medical condition that derailed her career, so a while ago we decided it made more sense for her to stop working and be a homemaker. So I became the sole income earner, and she took over the chores we used to split(laundry, cooking, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc). I would still contribute on occssion: I am not some boomer stereotype of a man who doesn’t know how a laundry machine works, and I like to cook on occasion. But as she spent more and more time with our girlfriend and boyfriend she also did less and less of those chores. It led to a lot of Saturday mornings, which are supposed to be so e relaxing time off work for me, but instead I need to spend time cleaning or scooping the litter or getting groceries because she didn’t do it, and with our gf & bf coming over that night I want the house to be respectable.

I FELT all of these things, and discussed them with her a little bit, but journaling gave me the confidencd to talk to my wife about it, provide details, and help her to see what she was doing too. When I said that we never did anything together anymore, her first reaction was “wait didn’t we just watch that TV show like a week or two ago?”. And because of journaling I was able to say “that was 5 months ago”.

3. Working through feelings. For most of my life I have done this without needing to write anything down. I would just spend some time alone and, well, think. Let the thoughts and feelings flow naturally and sort them out. But with so much less time to myself I wanted to take a more direct and active approach. I still think I prefer my natural approach- doing it through journalling feels forced and rushed. But its better than just struggling.

4. Monitoring health. I weighed 207lbs when we started this polycule, and now I’m down to 161. Largely due to a couple stints of low-carb dieting.

Also, not to get too graphic but group sex is very different from duo or solo. So having a record of how things have gone and how I’ve felt about things has been nice.

I should also note that for the first 6 months, I just logged narratively. I tried to remember to write down important things, tried to predict what my future self might want to go back and check later. Using keywords I would know to search for (digital is better for me- I use Joplin). After 6 months, I decided to pull out some key measurables and use a separate app to log those. My weed and alcohol use, exercise, and sexual activity.

For me it is not about documenting my life at all. It is about processing very strong emotions (negative, positive, neutral?) that I can’t move on from.

Here are all entries in my diary:

2025-07 The Pornhub Hoody
2025-01 Debating K
2024-10 The criteria
2024-10 No Encounter
2024-10 A Pawn in their game
2024-08 What a Wash
2024-03 S The Aftermath
2021-06 T admiration 

Note the names are abbreviated with just a letter in the entry itself too. In the moment it is often too hard for me to write the actual name. I have removed the exact date but I don’t think the titles are too sensitve.

I review my entries like once a year and it is still very hard to read some of them. I think remembering the past is very importnat. It also shows growth, improvement and development.

Older ones are sadly lost to time. I think it really helped me improve myself a lot.

I never force myself to write them. I write them when I feel I have to. It also keeps the number low and the impact high ideal for a yearly review.

Some have blocks of dated commentary at the end. I never edit existing writing though. Once it is written it is frozen.

I don’t journal to document my life but to organize my tasks.

There are different ways of journaling.

I tend to overshare online about my trauma because I want to feel seen and then a wave of guilt washes over me. Best to keep it to myself on paper. I journal to keep a record of my feelings, how my days/week went, and to help me reduce overthinking.

As years go by, I look back on how much I’ve grown and progressed in life. Though I did throw the notebooks away because they were filled with horrible memories and I wanted to start over. I still remember what I wrote, but I’ve healed from them so it doesn’t really hurt me that much anymore.

I also have a book of wins where I write everything that I achieved from small to big wins-- from getting out of bed with depression to hitting the gym to solving a difficult problem on a project.

I think it can help process some feelings as you’re defining things before you put them on paper instead of everything being a nebulous mess. Also, if you want to retrospectively understand what happened, the journal can help you establish a timeline and causes and effects, right? I’ve never done it but it’s probably helpful to some of us.

My memory is terrible; I use a journal to help remember details of my life.

I do it because I like the physical act of writing itself. I mean I literally just find it enjoyable in and of itself. So, sometimes I journal even if I don’t have anything to write. But, it is helpful to process certain things or just document important events in one’s life. It’s interesting to go back and see what you were thinking and feeling at the time of a major turning point in your life and compare to how you feel now or how you remember that event now.

Some people journal just to record what they did in the day, and this a journal becomes a record of activity. That can be helpful if you’re trying to ingrain yourself in new habits or get rid of old ones.

I don’t journal to document my life. I journal to get my thoughts out of me. Expressing something can be cathartic regardless of it’s veracity. It doesn’t have to make sense, be interesting, or fun. The act of writing can clear your head and let your honest feelings come to the surface.

I don’t go back to read what I wrote. The act of writing is enough.

A dear friend with a neurodivergence explained her journal to me as cue cards for different places, emotions, and experiences she’d had.

Much like a great dream, most of the memories would turn to smoke without a written pointer of what it was she’d done that day.

It’s a daily list of reminders

I used to bullet journal in an actual notebook, to help get organised. then stopped and reverted to being unorganised

I do make some notes on investments in a stream of consciousness type of thing in Joplin, that I intend to reorganize…hopefully

Keeping a diary ? no

I use it as a way to voice my thoughts and emotions that I cannot express otherwise. I primarily write poems for that.

It’s cheaper than therapy.

Plus, if you can afford therapy, they’ll recommend you keep a journal anyway.

You write because it organizes your thoughts better. Every other reason I feel will not sustain the effort.