This didn’t happen to me.

  • FRYD@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    1031·
    1 day ago

    Leave. Straight up irish goodbye. There’ll be more parties if you don’t have a rep for literally smelling like shit. Toss the underwear on the way home.

    • MrShankles@reddthat.com
      28·
      1 day ago

      I don’t care if I don’t have a ride or how far I would have to walk. Just start walking. Hell, I’m not even worried about being abducted, cause I already shit myself

      • vrek@programming.devEnglish
        141·
        24 hours ago

        I’m just picturing walking home and a van pulls up. Guys with guns jump out and scream “get in the van!”

        “whats that smell?” and you reply “I shit my pants”

        “forget it, get out. We’ll find someone else who isn’t covered in their shit… And we’ll send you the bill for cleaning our seat!”

    • bluesheep@sh.itjust.works
      5·
      21 hours ago

      I’ve heard a story about this after party where things were getting a bit raunchy and at some point they where sitting naked on the couch. Apparently one of the guys kind of shit himself and he decided to just not move an inch. When everyone else took a smoke break, he left the party and with that an accompanying shit stain in the couch.

      Needless to say that he didn’t really get any new invites after that

        • bluesheep@sh.itjust.works
          4·
          20 hours ago

          Ngl that would’ve been the better choice

          Steal the cushion, wash it at home, bring it back pretending it was some kind of weird drunk prank, no one would be the wiser

          • Steve@startrek.website
            6·
            20 hours ago

            I mean, if bro returned my cushion all fresh and clean and apologized for shitting on it I’d be like damn this motherfucker is responsible

  • Dayroom7485@lemmy.world
    62·
    1 day ago

    This didn’t happen to me.

    Imagine OP in the broom closet with shit-stained pants while the party’s roaring outside

  • MrSelfDestruct@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    11·
    21 hours ago

    Depends how drunk and if I maybe have a chance with making out.

    First instinct would be go to restroom, remove my underwear and throw them in the trashcan, wipe myself and use any fragrance I can find. Next grab a beer and say someone threw their dirty underwear in the bathroom trash.

  • palordrolap@fedia.io
    11·
    23 hours ago

    Insufficient information for meaningful answer. Are we talking full on mud volcano here, or are we talking about an unwelcome fart nugget?

    For the latter, the nugget’s going in the toilet, I’m scrubbing my undies with toilet paper as best I can and then I’m leaving ASAP because I no longer trust my lower gastrointestinal tract. Yes, I’d continue to wear them. No I wouldn’t use water. I don’t like going commando and I’m not going to wear soggy undies for the sake of a nugget.

    For the former, I’d probably get to and then hide in the bathroom and do whatever I could to clean myself up. Probably try not to cry. If alcohol’s involved, fail at that (though I didn’t start drinking until 18, so this is moot). Soggy clothing no longer optional.

    Then I make an escape checking for any trails I might have left from ground zero to the bathroom on the return journey to the way out. I may take the coward’s way out and not claim any knowledge, but I’d be convinced that people would know it was me, and there’s a good chance I’d be right.

    But I know I’d want out of there ASAP.

  • FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io
    13·
    24 hours ago

    Drop shit in toilet, wash underwear in sink, hair dryer underwear dry, and continue to party like a professional alcoholic

    • Apytele@sh.itjust.works
      1·
      13 hours ago

      …or someone with IBS…

      If you wring them out real good they’re basically just sweaty level of moist anyway.

    • Midnight Wolf@lemmy.worldEnglish
      12·
      18 hours ago

      hair dryer underwear

      This is from someone who has obviously never shat themselves. Underwear is already SOL, do not make the situation worse by then blasting (loud as hell) hot air all over your shit-embedded undies. The smell alone would clear the party out seconds after you open the door.

      Toss underwear in the trash (tie bag if possible), strip, shower, redress commando, and do not shit yourself a second time, unless you are comfortable with wearing your birthday suit.

      • nomad@infosec.pub
        4·
        17 hours ago

        You obviously don’t have small kids. I raised three and most of their underwear has been shit and or pissed in at some point. Some multiple times.

        Big pieces go in the John. Invert and hold to the shower wall inside the shower. Turn on hot water with massage setting if available. Pressure wash as far as possibly then soap. Pressure wash again until no big stains remain. Throw into washer with anti bacterial washing solution on hot setting. Reuse as usual.

        • Midnight Wolf@lemmy.worldEnglish
          31·
          16 hours ago

          This is even worse than the hair dryer, lol. If you are in a party and want to continue staying at the party, discretion is needed. A shower can be explained away, but running a hair dryer or any type of oddly-loud setting of the shower head is going to draw attention in a hurry, especially since a bunch will directly hit the tub or shower floor, echoing in the room.

          Like yeah sure, you “can” save them, but you’d end up with a doorway of peers trying to figure out wtf you are doing making a huge racket in the bathroom. And even if you managed to salvage the undies, I absolutely would not trust that I got them actually clean for the rest of the night. If you hookup with someone at the party and they start asking what that smell is as you are undressing in the bedroom, you’d definitely wish you had just trashed them.

          If you go around grabbing fabric softener and detergent, you are 110% getting labeled the one who shits themselves at parties. Don’t be labeled the one who shits at parties. Just trash the evidence.

          And if you decide you aren’t staying at the party (safe move), why the hell are walking home with shit all over you? Again just ditch the undies. It’s not worth saving. The only time I would say it would be somewhat logical to save them is if you’re the party host, but that’s still a very risky proposition. Maybe if you trashed them until everyone leaves, then you can save it and keep your dignity. But my undies aren’t lined with diamonds or gold, there’s absolutely no way in my mind it’d be worth it.

    • kibblebits@quokk.auEnglish
      241·
      1 day ago

      The host recognizes that leopard print pantsuit as their mothers and begins to attack.

    • Brave Little Hitachi Wand@feddit.ukEnglish
      7·
      1 day ago

      Good first step. I’d probs also prewash the undies in the shower, bin them after, and, if possible, get back into my own clothes going commando.

      If I’m with a friend I trust, have them stage a bit of horseplay and play it off like we got wet being crazy in the bathroom. Go back to the party.

  • DarkCloud@lemmy.world
    11·
    1 day ago

    Take off your pants, and use the shit to write an apology letter on the wall… Then leave the house with no pants on, clutching the poop. Remember to put dots of shit behind you just in case you get lost on your way home, or if that hot person at the party wants to follow you home. Your sent is strong, I’m quite sure someone will be motivated enough to follow the obvious signs of seduction you’re dripping.

  • CerebralHawks@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    11·
    1 day ago

    Take a shower and wash the pants in the shower. Shit is water-soluble, that is to say it can dissolve in water. I think there may be some oil in it but it soups wash out. What doesn’t go down the shower drain, move by hand to the toilet and wash your hands.

    Now you have wet pants. In the northern hemisphere it’s still summer, so they should dry relatively quickly outside. Play it off somehow. Be the guy or gal who fell in the pool.