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You’ve sold your soul for a very slightly better handjob. Nowhere does the contract say it’s mind-blowingly better.
The devil has to go first so he won’t know how much better to make it.
He’s the devil… Trust me, he’ll know.
In my expirience i will always win unless the handjob is within 5-10 days of distance because every handjob after the first one is just not as good in that window of time
If he waits i can just do one every once in a while until he gets bored or i forget for more than 5-10 days
I challenge the devil to end world hunger forever. First one to feed the world wins.
I suppose there could be some monkey paw-esque shenanigans killing billions, but at this point we might as well let a non-human cosmic being do it.
If he feeds everyone great, if he kills a ton of people at least the climate crisis is sorted and thousands if not millions of animal species are saved. I avoid the moral implications since the intent was to feed people and the devil picked the evilnest option. But honestly I think they would just solve world hunger a more normal way.
Just one catch: the reason we have world hunger is not the number of people or a shortage of food. It’s just politics, power abuse and warfare. Unless those dynamics change we could be a tenth of the current world population and still have famine.
Oh I’m aware, but we’re talking about the devil here.
Politics has a part in it, but over population is the main cause (can’t be hungry if you were never born).
If the devil kills half the people and feeds them to the other half that would fulfill the contract. If he just leaves 3.5 billion corpses laying around that would be a disaster.There’s enough food in the world to feed every person currently alive. So I don’t think it makes sense to say that the cause of world hunger is that there are too many people.
It’s logistics. If the food isn’t where the people are and they can’t get the food to where they are then there isn’t enough food.
I’m sure the devil can change those dynamics
damn, if I get to choose… then it is not a fair game.
first, if he is there threating me to go to hell, then it is safe to assume that heaven is real.
challenge him to do something against his nature.
Challenge him to be the better kindest person, can’t be a kind person if he sends people to hell.
Challenge him to enter heaven by merit.
The devil doesn’t send people to Hell. God does. The devil is just there to receive and punish the people God determined weren’t good enough for Heaven.
“He’s sending us to eternal damnation because he loves us!”
-Christians who are in an abusive relationship with their god.
Pretty sure eternal is an exaggeration
To Christians? Absolutely not.
Hell, I don’t even think canonically he has any kind of official position. The Devil isn’t Hades. Hades has an official position - he’s Lord of the Underworld. He’s just as much a deity as any of the other Greek pantheon.
But the Devil? I imagine Hell as just a giant hole in the ground where God throws things he doesn’t like. As the oldest and most powerful being in Hell, the Devil ends up running the place by default, but it’s not a position of divinely-granted authority. He’s just as much a prisoner there as anyone else. The jail just has no guards, so the prisoners end up running things.
Hell, I don’t even think canonically he has any kind of official position.
He doesn’t. Him being the ruler of Hell was first depicted in Paradise Lost.
But you only go to hell because you lose your soul to him. if you win you don’t, and if the competition means he loses if he takes it, then he cannot take it.
give him a paradox.
This assumes rules are being followed. And by biblical terms, the devil doesn’t play by the rules — hence why he was cast out of heaven.
But you’re also assuming the devil is the evil one in this situation. And whose word are we taking that the devil is evil?
~Hint: the victors write the history books.~
I’m not playing by any rules either, that’s why I’m cheating with paradoxes
First, the existence of hell does not necessitate the existence of heaven. The existence of the Devil doesn’t even require a God. Maybe that’s just the story we tell ourselves because the truth is too bleak.
technically true, based on pure logic.
but lets face it, if I see a creature from the lore of certain religion, it would be a reasonable assumption to expect other aspects of their mythology.
finding a bit of gold in a river could mean that I have found all the gold in that area and there’s no point in searching. but come on.
Apparently his fiddle game is trash, or so I hear.
Devil never said solid gold, so it probably wouldn’t sound much different than being made of any metal. Plus with electric pickups it doesn’t really matter what it’s made of
He said a “shiny fiddle made of gold.” Kind of implies the whole thing is gold, but it’s open to interpretation.
Not up to Georgia standards at any rate
A humility competition.
I’m not the most humble person in the world, far from it. But I think I can (probably) at least beat the Devil in that. I mean, the dude thought he was better than God. He is, literally canonically, the most prideful being in existence.
Idk if that qualifies as a contest of skill though. Sounds pretty much like a “not being the devil competition”
A philanthropism challenge. Improve the world the most. I’ll lose, but whatever I do, he’ll top it. And then it’ll trigger the self sacrifice clause (which I can’t know about beforehand) and I’ll win anyway.
How do you measure this though?
Magic
Or you get your hands removed
You don’t think I could do it with 2 nubs?
Would be a nubjob, and wouldn’t be as hard to be better than.
So you say…
But then you could get robot devil hands and play the shit out of a holophoner to win the love of a one eyed alien babe
I’d challenge him to a “not in any way actually being the devil” contest. The only way in which he could win is if he made me the devil and him not actually the devil and as soon as he did it I’d harvest his soul and move on with my new infinity power.
Whoever dies first wins. At least he wouldn’t get your soul!
Whoever dies for the last time first
They must have a lot of faith in their handjob ability if they think anything better would be worth selling their soul for.
I was just thinking the same, he doesn’t have to put 100% of his effort in. Just 1% more than yours.
Devil is a busy angel with a lot of important work to do for god, who being omnipotent, clearly had a good reason to create such a being. I wouldn’t want to waste their time.
I would opt for a contest of billionaire slaying with points awarded by the net worth of each billionaire.
My wife and I were just talking last night about how great it is that Dean’s unhealthy eating is essentially the writers continuing/canonizing a running gag from the set because everyone made fun of how Jensen would personally eat like half of the crafty table every day.
I didn’t know that. Makes the Scooby-Doo gag even better because you know he would have done the same thing as Dean in that situation!
A who-needs-the-most-time-to-steal-my-soul competition.
Speed wanking, who could shoot first
I’d win every time
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