It’s not a childhood trauma thing. I had a decent upbringing. I’ve been like this all my life. I’ll talk about people using their name to others when the named person isn’t around, but I avoid using their name as a vocative to their face.
Same thing with people using my name. I don’t mind people summoning me by calling my name, but I cringe when people use my name as a vocative in front of me. I also get irritated when people I don’t know and have no intention of establishing a relationship with use my name.
I worked in a call center and we had the usual opening “thank you for calling _____ my name is early_riser, how can I help you?” I assumed the unspoken rule was that I’m giving my name so the client can later refer to me in complaints or commendations, not because I want to establish anything more than a client-employee relationship. Also, I always use “sir” or “ma’am” when addressing clients, and hope they reciprocate that respect.
Edit:
Yes I know what names are for. Also “angry” was too strong a word. I don’t lash out at people when they do this. I understand that people are trying to be friendly when they use my name and that the irritation is unwarranted, but it’s there and I want to know why.
I think you’re just autistic, buddy. This is not typical behavior for people that are not neurodivergent. The tell is that you get “oddly angry” when someone uses your name when they’re strangers. Good luck navigating life with this one.
As an autistic person with ADHD too I was going to say this. I hate my name being used, I strongly prefer dude or mate, I’ll even take “hey you”, but using my name is very similar to extreme eye contact or touching my hands. No, no thank you, I would prefer not to.
It’s not an unreasonable gripe and autism isn’t an insult.
Some people use your name too much and it does feel weird, like they’re trying to use their self-help book advice on you. “Good luck navigating life” is a nasty thing to say. Don’t be a dick
I’m not insulting or being a dick. You just are tone policing text, which is wild. I am autistic too. My “good luck” was sincere. Fuck yourself, you holier-than-thou loser.
Tone matters and it didn’t sound sincere, it sounded like you were putting someone down. Immediately resorting to calling me a loser and telling me to fuck myself is telling on yourself. OP was talking about something a lot of people can relate to and you came off mean and condescending. They’re just trying to have a conversation. Sorry you react so poorly to differing opinions, you’ll have a hard and lonely life.
Anyway, not talking to you anymore, there are a lot of people who read some book like how to win friends and influence people and use that advice in a way that you can pick up on. If you feel something is sleazy and off you should trust that gut feeling.
I told you to fuck yourself, because you were attributing something to me that was not said or implied. Fuck yourself again :)
Your response to OP was unkind and your behavior after was egregious. Think about your wording next time. You don’t know what others are going through and your desire to get the last word in could harm a stranger for no reason.
You’re the one that was attributing malice and rudeness where none was implied or stated. I was not being rude to OP, you simply interpret it that way. You’re wrong, and fuck you again :)
If your response to someone telling you you sounded mean is fuck you fuck you fuck you then you should look at yourself
You called me a dick first, buddy. So I said fuck yourself. I stand by it.
Feeling this. My preferred method to acknowledge people when talking is to look at them. Bad enough, in my opinion. About the only time I use a person’s name is in a greeting or, more often, to get their attention.
At least there is the Fediverse. And STEM.
Being good at any part of STEM is kind of a superpower