Serious question. Im new to posting, so if Im doing this wrong please let me know 🙂

I am in my 30s and the door is closing on the potential to have a child, which my partner and I do want. The only problem is finances. We live quite alright at the moment. My career is finally feeling like a career, but my research has shown that whichever parent stays home with kiddo (and one of us would, daycare costs suck) ends up with a nerfed career should they try to return to work after the kid is school aged. And 100% we’d want to be able to pay someone to help here and there. Just dealing with home repair, older vehicles, and no parents who live close means we definitely would need a break here and there… and it would be nice to be able to afford that to have a date night here and there. Add to that all the scaries of pregnancy (potential death, permanant incontinence risk, changed body, list goes on) and the world we’re currently in and… you get it.

On the flip side. Tons of folks are childfree, so there wouldn’t be any shortage of people willing to travel and stay up late on weekends alongside us. We could prioritize fun, including… drum roll please… my lifelong dream of having a horse. We don’t own land, so costs would go to a boarding facility, a vehicle that can tow a trailer, and care/training for the beast. Id never have tk wonder if I have enough time and money to care for both a kiddo and a horse.

Now, I get that this may read like I’ve already made up my mind. I love the idea of having a child, sharing the world with them, watching them grow into their own person. My partner would be a stable and fantastic parent. But the cons against it feel real. Can I ask for opinions? I am particularly interested in the pro-child ones. Thanks!

Tldr: pros and cons of having kid vs horse seem unfairly stacked. Help lmao.

Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies! I enjoyed reading them. I think a few people took the question too literally and/or believed I would really base such a huge decision on the opinion of internet strangers. That is not true. I did appreciate all the perspectives, however. The horse I refer to would be a real horse, but it also refers to all the other things in life a child free existence has brought those who live that lifestyle.

Barring extreme circumstances, we actually already have decided to have children. I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION. Each individual must decide for themselves what seems best for them personally. Our friend group is incredibly child free for various reasons, all of which are good reasons that I respect and Im happy for them that they are resolute in their choices. All are lovely around kids. They just knew or decided parenthood wasn’t what they wanted for themselves, and that’s ok.

Just for funsies - Reasons I’m Ambivalent about the Horse:

Without owning land for a horse, boarding sucks and there are always other options. I have connections to take a riding lesson here or there if the horsey itch ever arose, for instance. It is much cheaper to volunteer and take lessons or lease a horse. That and, yes, the horse care never ends and it remains a horse. I’ve been to rescues where amazing horses are surrendered without a second thought because they became too old or ill to ride, and the owner didn’t want an animal around costing money they couldn’t ride. Sad. Meanwhile, a child will learn, grow, and eventually become a full fledged human being if all goes well.

I know the world looks like its headed in a terrible direction sometimes, but I also believe it’s good to have people who care to have children that they want to raise as good and caring individuals. Biology tells us (or society does) to have kids and so we do, but I also think no one should have a child if they aren’t ready to care for them. So many kids are born to parents who end up ill equipped to have them. Regret is frowned upon in parenting circles, but absolutely exists. Our children will never be saddled with such burdens. To piggyback onto this…

I do disagree with those who say if youre questioning whether to have kids, don’t have them. Questioning is a great way to consider new angles and ways of thinking you might not have bothered examining before.

  • HubertManne@piefed.socialEnglish
    1·
    14 days ago

    If you can buy a house on a 15 year fixed mortgage even if you stretch both to the limit? If so then yes but get a 30 year fixed and pay it like its a 15 which gives you and easy option to make payments by falling back to the required monthly payment. If not go for the kids if you fine doing that when you don’t even own a house but hey your parents did not own their house right? Keep in mind if you pay on the 30 year plan you don’t own your home till your in your 70’s. What happens if a spouse loses a job? Do you have family you can live with? While rare some people do down in the fifties and its not super rare for it to happen in 60’s. Mentally or physically. It pretty hard to get to 70’s without such.

  • Wahots@pawb.social
    1·
    9 months ago

    Never buy anything that flies, fucks or floats. No planes, no boats, no horses. If you really want to try one of these, try renting or borrowing the thing for a whole summer. Maybe even two summers.

  • you_are_dust@lemmy.world
    1·
    9 months ago

    This is just my opinion and personal experience, but people that really want a child don’t really debate with themselves over whether they should have a child or a pet. Yea, it’s a big, expensive, and rideable pet, but that seems to be what it boils down to. Based on that, I’m feeling that you don’t want a kid.

  • MinkyMoo@lemmy.today
    1·
    25 days ago

    If you have to ask for advice on what to choose, definitely don’t have a kid. The child has no say in being born, your roof is their floor. You should have your mind set on giving that kid the best life you can and the life they deserve. I personally have a mother that likes to remind me that she gave up her life, goals, dreams, and her body for her kids (me and my siblings). That feeling that I somehow ruined her life with her choice to have me is draining. No kid should have to feel like its their fault that you decided to have them. So if you are unsure if you want to have a kid or buy a horse, you should buy a horse. Because deep down you could start resenting your child because you decided to have them instead of getting your horse. I understand that you are going about this logically, but I still believe if you are questioning the two, the horse is the safer option, as you can sell a horse when you no longer wish to deal with it. A child, you don’t really have that option or freedom.