fuck I’m not in the right headspace when I’m asking this, unresolved trauma. Now I’m repeating in my head “love them more than my mental illnesses”.
I wanted to warn an organization i cared about my past and that manipulation comes naturally to me to the point where I don’t notice after the fact. I legit want see them succeeded and stand in blind solidarity.
I have reached out someone in the organization about my issues. I’m hoping they respond.
if i can get it right sounds like this is a way to broach the subject. my reaction is that i can tolerate a lot, generally I can manipute people without lying and my simply moving erratically, talking about all the acts of charity I do. i do meal shares, i go to city council meeting out of blind faith in class solidarity, and I contribute to the members of the organization without asking anything in return. i can make myself look super freaking awesome and rub it in peoples face. also i set up all those things as trap for anyone that wants to attack me to get utterly humiliated.
best way for me to articulate that in my state